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When I was a Kid
An article I ran into today was entitled You’re Not Single Anymore; Start Acting Like it. I wondered what this topic was all about so I dug in and I began to laugh and a feel sad all at the same time.
Let me explain.
In the advice article a man writes in and indicates he is having a hard time dealing with the lifestyle change that comes with being married and having a new child. He states that he and his wife argue regularly because he would rather go hang out with friends after working all day before coming home to resume his duties as a father and husband. The man referred to it as unwinding after work. He said if he has to come home right after work then he feels as if he is working 12 hour days because he has to come home and cook and relieve his wife of watching their child.
The advice columnist gave a completely competent and educated response and tries to leave her personal opinion out of it. But this is my blog and I don’t have to leave it out.
It’s Time to Grow Up Men – My Opinion
Being Selfless
Marriage in itself is really the beginning of learning how to be selfless. I mention the word selfless many times in the blog because I believe it is what keeps a marriage strong. Admittedly I continue to work on this in my life and marriage as I think it is always something that needs attention.
I still remember Brant Hansen (an Air One DJ) saying on the radio that he never knew how selfish he was until he got married. Then he realized it again after he had children.
I love coming home to my wife and kids. I can’t wait to see them after work. I rush home because I can’t wait to be around them. Being around my family makes my heart happy. I actually feel guilty many times when I am doing something alone (like a hobby) because I feel like they are missing out on an experience with me.
There was a time in my life where I would play in dart tournaments regularly without my wife. My wife allowed me to do it but it actually put a strain on our marriage. I think she felt neglected or unloved but either way it I didn’t feel as close to my wife when I played in those tournaments without her. Now I go to dart tournaments rarely without my wife. I find myself having more fun when my wife and I are participating in my hobby together.
They Need Our Attention
Children need a father’s love and attention. They wait all day for you to get home just to play or hang out with you.
Wives need the attention of their husbands. They need to know they are loved and wanted. The need your touch and your kisses. Every day your wife needs to know they are loved by you.
Wives also need a break. They all need a break in a different way but you need to be there to provide that break. The break might be watching the kids while your wife goes shopping or gets her nails done. It might be the monthly Bingo get together she has with her friends from work (which is something my wife does).
Yes I Know we Need a Break too
Yes I know that husband and fathers need a break too. Hopefully your wife recognizes that and is supportive of a break from time to time. I would encourage you to not take a break every other day.
What I am not Saying
Though I don’t think a father and husband should be hanging out with friends everyday while away from their family, it doesn’t mean you have to give up your friends. Just put your family first. Make your family a priority over your friends. Spread out the time you spend with your friends so your wife knows that she is more important to you than your friends are.
Husbands and Fathers it’s time to reevaluate what is most important to us. Continue to show your wife and children how important they are to you through actions not words.
To read the article that started this parenting topic click here.
If you agree or disagree let me know in the comments.
